Sex toys: Male Masturbation and The Best Sex Toys For It Part 2

Male Sex Toys

If 2014 was the year that sex toys went high tech then what will 2015 hold? So far a lot of tech and a lot of prostrate massagers, so I am going to put it out there that 2015 is the year of the ass. This was originally titled Fucking Farrah Abraham’s Bust While Watching Backdoor Teen Mom And Five Male Sex Toys You Need To Own but one that was one long fucking title and two the description lost even me at first read. However, I am going to fuck that bust because I liked backdoor teen mom and Farrah Abraham has a cute face, well prior to getting some plastic surgery, I like my women real and untouched by the knife, but she has a tight body, nice new tits and a very pretty pussy. I covered a lot of her news releases when Backdoor Teen Mom was dropped, I kinda had a (implicit) role in helping Gawker readers know she was totally full of shit about her leaked tape with pornstar James Deen. Anyone in my industry knows the truth, gotta sign those 2252’s before that tape is “legally leaked” we will deal with celebrity sextape leaks in a future article but for now let’s concentrate on this piece of tail being shipped express mail to me…

But first by the numbers, I want you guys to be well informed about this shit! A study was conducted last year that reviewed 1 million sex toy purchases and over 45000 product reviews. You can read it here since it’s not the main topic of discussion in this piece. So those numbers…

  • The average order for sex toys was 59$ (men spent on average 19% more)
  • Men were also more likely to pay for next day shipping
  • Half of the women and a third of all male orders were for vibrators.
  • Single women on average buy more vibrators and dildos than women in couples (but only slightly)
  • Men in relationships were more likely to buy sex toys than single men
  • Lube apparently sped up orgasms for 50% of both sexes
  • Women are much more likely to purchase novelty gifts than men are
  • Men are more likely to gravitate towards sex-simulation devices than women are
  • Apparently one in two women in the US use vibrators regularly
  • The most common sex toy product that both sexes love. Lube. Yes that’s right lube.
  • Want more info? Come back and read this column regularly

So as I was doing my preliminary research for this piece on male sex toys a few things occurred to me. The first was that just about every top ten list I came across featured heavily on the use of prostate massages as the main best toys to play with. Secondly the ones that weren’t massages and there weren’t many that weren’t were all either fleshlights or vibrating cock rings. Now as a straight heterosexual man my vanilla ass isn’t really feeling a prostrate massage, the doctors checkups have totally ruined that for me as have a few girlfriends who stuck their fingers up my ass. I don’t judge or discriminate if you like your ass fucked or plugged or pegged that’s entirely up to you but I don’t find it sexually arousing in the least bit so none of these will be geared to those that like their prostrates massaged with some vibrating dildo. For prostate massage reviews just google it.  Here is what I have realized; most heterosexual men are not the clientele for sex toys, and by most, I mean almost 98%, I think that gay men have a much better understanding of their bodies and sexuality to be able to play around with the kinds of toys that end up in any top ten list. So when you google the top male sex toys and you see that men’s health piece you gotta ask yourself if the writer really did try them all out? Hmmmm, look, I am not questioning journalistic integrity but I am not sure how many straight men are that comfortable with their bodies (read specifically their asses) to try a prostrate massage. I know I am but as a married man with two kids my options for new pussy are limited…

Why is there an interest you may want to know? Well look women have developed longstanding relationships with their dildos and vibrators that there haven’t really been the same things for men. I mean yes there have but it’s not as well developed as it is with women. Women will swear by their sex toys, when you’re a man you kinda need a drawer for it, not that our toys don’t fit into pockets but they are much bigger to hide or keep away from prying eyes. And most of the toys dedicated to men all require lube, no Vaseline won’t do the trick, actually you should ask someone qualified what works best with the toy you choose, it’s like stepping up from a rolled joint and rolling paper to using a vaporizer.

After seeing what the Hot Octopus looks like you can beat your sweet ass I am going to try it! Just not in this article.

Here are this months toys that have made my wife wonder how long it takes to check and send emails from my basement office…

xtube_blog_topco
When you can’t decide which hole you want to cum in most why not remove the questions and just get all three.

When you can’t decide which hole you want to cum in most why not remove the questions and just get all three. Topco has a great series for this called the CyberSkin® Stroker Triplets, the cyberskin feels as close to the real thing as you can get without having a real person attached to it. Definitely good and easy to use without it being exceptionally difficult to clean and maintain. All you need is to use some soap and water and please guys get a good lube that is water based. Vaseline doesn’t do anything to these except for ruin them but look choice is yours.

Topco has another product for those of you that crave a taste of chocolate but have yet to be with a  sexy sista. This ultra-realistic cyberskin has both the pussy and ass for you to blow your load in and with the right lube and good quality porn playing you will find yourself fucking this sweet piece of tail and blowing your load quickly.

...for those of you that crave a taste of chocolate but have yet to be with a sexy sista.
…for those of you that crave a taste of chocolate but have yet to be with a sexy sista.

 

Pornstar Katie Morgan has a travel size pussy stroker that will definitely make those quick bathroom breaks a much more exciting to do. Topco really has some of the best toys out there for men and the quality is second to none. What are the chances that in your life you will fuck a pornstar? I would say that that the chances are slim to next to none if you don’t live in Los Angeles and aren’t in the industry. Hell I work in the industry and have only met a handful of pstars and none that are my favs just yet but Katie Morgan is one piece of ass I have always wanted to fuck but that is probably not going to happen so instead I still get to enjoy her pussy as so many male pornstars have except that its in the comfort of my own home and more than likely in my office. Giving a rating to this would be pointless but these strokers make masturbation a fun thing and takes the routine out of doing the knuckle shuffle on the piss pump. I think that you should own one pornstar pussy stroker, if not this one then one closer to your needs and likes but either way Topco has a product for you that will get you off.

 

Pornstar Katie Morgan has a travel size pussy stroker that will definitely make those quick bathroom breaks a much more exciting to do.
Pornstar Katie Morgan has a travel size pussy stroker that will definitely make those quick bathroom breaks a much more exciting to do.

Now this is by far my favourite of the Topco toys that I was sent to test out and fuck. The Farrah Backdoor Vibrating Pussy and Ass is definitely not something I thought I would ever own or purchase but has become a staple in my sex toy drawer. I decided to test it out while watching this Backdoor Teen Mom was getting her pussy pumped by hot boy next door James Deen. This is an awesome toy that was molded from her pussy and ass and provides some great celebrity sex when you’re alone. Now the thing you will be most surprised is how heavy it is; this is truly lifelike and in my opinion worthy of every red cent spent on it. Not only does it look real but it feels real and giggles like real flesh. If you have a thing for her then by all means go and get yourself a Farrah Backdoor Vibrating Pussy and Ass from Topco it will be one of the best investments you have made to your spank bank in ages. Yes it may be a tad bit pricey but its worth it. If her ass and pussy really feel like this then she is tight and one hell of a fuck. This is a backdoor superstar that will have you cumming regularly back for more, you may even want to spank it while you pump that bust till you bust.

This is an awesome toy that was molded from her pussy and ass and provides some great celebrity sex when you’re alone.
This is an awesome toy that was molded from her pussy and ass and provides some great celebrity sex when you’re alone.

 

Lastly this is the coolest thing that isn’t the twerking butt but is just as cool. The Autoblow 2 is amazing in what it accomplishes this is the crowdfunded blowjob robot that everyone form Vice to Playboy, Men’s Health and tons of mainstream sites and magazines have written about. It has interchangeable sleeves made from realistic artificial skin and gives you a 4” full stroke, so this really does feel like you are being jerked off. I didn’t think I would like it so much but holy guacamole it’s incredible. You may find it hard to not want to use it on a daily since it will keep stroking and never say no. This is one toy that doesn’t need batteries either it plugs into a wall socket and charges quickly.  The only thing in terms of complaints that I have regarding this is that it makes you cum quickly, which when it comes to fucking a robot is an interesting feeling. All you ever have to do is hold it over your Johnson and the rest is all taken care of. Technology rules! Put this baby on your Xmas gift list your wife or GF may thank you since it may take her place and replace her as the best one to give you a blowjob.

You may find it hard to not want to use it on a daily since it will keep stroking and never say no.
You may find it hard to not want to use it on a daily since it will keep stroking and never say no.

This is the beginning of sex toy reviews on this blog so please do feel free to send suggestions or swag, I promise to review and address every one. Or at least I will certainly try to.

What’s your favorite sex toy?

 

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  • https://www.lawsociety.bc.ca/lsbc/apps/hearings/viewreport.cfm?hearing_id=812&t=Mussio-Decision-of-Hearing-Panel Jaycee Stewart

    Nice sex toys for men. Great article and thanks for sharing.