Strange Jerk in a Strange Hand
Disclaimer: If Mary Poppins got knocked up during an impromptu lunchtime dark rite in the men's room at Lowe's by The Horned God in the earthly disguise of Mike Brady, and their spawn was switched with the baby of perfectly nice Christian people who thought they'd get grand*****ren(1) someday, that practically-perfect-except-for-the-demon-spawn-part changeling would be Studdio.
Studdio's a diabetic coma of sweetness, light and unconditional lurve. He *****s(2) fucking rainbows. He bought into all that kumbaya *****(2) at Summer camp, when he wasn't fantasizing about his counselor's hairy ass bouncing into the Valhalla of the group shower. He tries to show courtesy to the anonymous and unaccountable internet users to whom such a thing would never occur, not out of magnanimity, but because he considers such people to be less fortunate than himself; he is habitually honest, not out of virtue, but because he's *****ed(3) too many brain cells to remember any lies he might make up. He will allow almost anyone to take advantage of him in little ways, not out of generosity, but, rather, to determine who's worthy of his trust.
Studdio's husband likes to call him a "Dirty Whore." It gives him a boner. Studdio likes to call himself a "*****."(4) This gives HIM a boner. To make matters worse, Studdio was accidentally impressed with a perverse Jesus/Hot Pastor fetish around the vacation bible school years, when turning the other cheek also turned out to give him a boner. It's all about the boner. You either get it or you don't.
Studdio is genuinely bewildered by how easy it is to offend people with amateur porn, as if they came expecting Oprah's book club. He is sorry if he offends you, (although what he regrets is not so much your offended state as the fact that anyone with the hypocrisy to act offended about anything they see on an amateur porn site isn't seeking therapy rather than posting flames directed at someone as nice as Studdio,) unless, of course, he was actually going for that; chances are he wasn't, though, and sometimes he's just a fucking moron. Hope at least one of us is smart enough to know which of these is true in your case.
Addendum: Studdio finds it increasingly amusing how X-Tube selectively censors content, especially words, that it considers, one assumes, to be offensive. These seem to fall into the following categories, footnoted to their respective examples, above:
1: words representing anyone who might be under 18
2: solid bodily secretions
3: termination of life
4: politically incorrect pejoratives
Studdio just loves irony. :) Here you have a site that facilitates the publication of content that, by most community's standards, would be considered the epitome of offensiveness, yet they still consider it necessary to protect us, its users, from using or reading words that can be heard on network television.